The plane to Poland is delayed by an hour and a half. Plenty of time to join the festive crowds indulging in a little post-Christmas airport shopping, drinking egg-nogs or gingerbread latte. Security check my bag.
Where are you going, nice little break, Sir?
To Szczecin.
Szczecin, I see, Sir. Where’s that? Is it colder than here?
They want to know a lot of details about my travel arrangements. Maybe it’s because I don’t look the skiing type and I’m not wearing a sombrero or Hawaiian shorts, which a disturbing number of people are, and I don’t have on a football team shirt. And, of course, I speak an unrecognisable form of non-estuary English.
Szczecin, do you have business there, Sir?
Yes, I have an important meeting with a large bottle of vodka in the world famous Starka brewery.
Would that be the same as in Starka and Hutch, Sir?
Starka, I say knowledgably, that most noble and the most mysterious of all Polish vodkas.
The plane is delayed by two hours. When we finally land with a bump or three in snow-bound Szczecin after midnight, the passengers applaud loudly. Two Englishmen in front of us wave their arms in the air. They have spent most of the journey drinking and swopping anecdotes about footballers from the 1970’s, Rodney Marsh and George Best in particular.
- They liked their cars fast and women to match.
- George never drank pints, did he?
- He drank vodka and lemonade.
- Well, it doesn’t smell and there’s no real taste, is there?
- He was a one, eh?
- Brilliant ball players, never see their like again…
The wife of one says to him, You’ve been drinking since 6’o’clock. How much have you spent? £70?
We’re enjoying ourselves, love, he replies quite sweetly, silver hair and ruddy complexion aglow.
They continue to drink whisky, then gin and tonic, served from a plastic packet. They have vodka available too, but it looks like it should be attached to an IV drip. The woman asks for her husband’s credit card and immediately buys a MPEG player from the gift shop on board.
Only £49.98, she says with some satisfaction.
Are you really going to buy that? asks the man.
Enjoy your drinks, boys, she says, a gentle reproof.
